saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize