I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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