he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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