we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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