Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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