every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
