just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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