and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
