New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I have aggressive nipples.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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