did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
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my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
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its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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