I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
