I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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