Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize