I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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