yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
