If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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