homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
