You just made me feel so damn special
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize