I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Randomize
