can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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