Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I fill condoms, not promises.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
