Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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