I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
