no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
