Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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