I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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