smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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