They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Church boner. Awkwardddd
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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