Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
