We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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