I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
