Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
