maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We have started to decorate penises.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
