yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
