forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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