u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
