i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
