Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
