whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
