I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
