i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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