i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
what day is it and did you see me today?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
