My sheets look like a crime scene.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
