How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
