Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
