I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
