it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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