I hate all girls vehemently.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
