I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
After tacos, we're chasing women.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
