The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
