I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
foreskin is a definite game changer
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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