I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
