It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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