i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
