omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
