who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
do nipples grow back?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
