what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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