There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
