Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
