He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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